Old Timey Ads

“But honey, I HAD to buy this Roosevelt knife from Novelty Cutlery Co., a completely non-political private entity that impartially sells trinkets representing both parties! I HAD TO BE LOYAL TO MY PARTY”

Wikipedia says Postum is a “powdered roasted grain beverage sold by the Kraft Foods company as a coffee substitute.” 

Also: “Acrylamide, a suspected cancer-causing chemical, is found at high levels in dark-colored baked, roasted and fried high-carbohydrate foods, as well as in roasted coffee and barbecued meat […] Acrylamide was found in Postum, a roasted grain drink, at a level of 22.3 micrograms per portion. Acrylamide was found in coffee at levels of 1.9 micrograms per portion.”

SO DRINK UP

“Mary, I forgot to tell you about dinner! It’s a thing where we put burned plants and cut-up animals into a hole in our heads, and then mash them with bones that stick out of our skulls. Then we engulf them with our bodies and drown them in acid and bacteria until they come out again all gross and smelly. Anyway, hop on the Inter-Phone and I’ll tell you all about sex, too.”

Musicians! So gross, am I right? Good thing they SOUND nice.

“BUT, YOU KNOW, WHO CAN SAY” 

Ha ha, this lady dumb

I’ve thought this over some more and now I think she’s pretty boss.

In another scanned copy of this magazine I found, the “L” was scribbled over to make a sort of lower-case “b”.

Which doesn’t make any sense BUT does thankfully protect the delicate sensitivities of the readers!

I HAVE RESTORED IT HERE TO ITS ORIGINAL SHOCKING VERSION FOR OUR VULGAR MODERN AGE

“What about croquet? I’m a boy, and I love croq—” [tossed in lake]

“This ad,” says this woman, “is making you think about my underwear.”

I don’t trust anything made by wizards!! Much less MECHANICAL WIZARDS